Holiday blues, money and why it doesn't deserve your life

Sometimes during the holiday season you'll hear stories of people jumping off a bridge, doing the pill od or exiting the planet in some other, self-inflicted way.  Later you'll find out that the person had major financial issues and the stress finally got to them.

They don't have to be billionaires either.  Sometimes it's extreme poverty that pushes a person over the edge, and sometimes it's middle class people who, from the outside looking in, don't seem to have anything to complain about.

The economic scale doesn't matter.  What matters is that money got to be bigger than life, and the person couldn't handle it's negative influence anymore.

I've got news for you.  Money doesn't deserve your life!

It doesn't.  It's not worth it.  It's not worth anything other than the value we give it and unfortunately, in today's world we often give it way too much value.

Weather you believe it or not I am here to tell you that YOU are worth more than money.  And if anyone bugs you about it over the next few weeks I'd tell them exactly that.

Bill collectors?  Say "I am worth more than this bill and I'm not talking to you about it or doing anything about it until January.  Period.  Call me then."

Business pressures.  Same thing.  Refuse to deal with it until January.  Don't take calls if you can get away with that.  Take your mind entirely off the subject, even if just for a week or two.

Gift obligations you don't want.  Say "The pressure of having to give something has ruined the entire season for me so I'm not doing it this year.  I'm not giving anything so please don't be hurt or expect it."

Feeling guilty because you got something but didn't give (after you told them the above).  Sincerely say "Thank you so much for this lovely gift, I really appreciate it."  No need for any more explanation.  You already told them you weren't giving yourself.

Feeling guilty because you got something but didn't give (if you didn't tell them the above). Sincerely say "Thank you so much for this lovely gift, I really appreciate it."  If you really feel awkward about not having something to give in return simply add that you decided to forgo giving gifts this year but again you really appreciate their thoughtfulness and are so happy they understand.  Even if they don't, they probably won't say anything.  

What to say to your kids and grandkids.  Kids are the hardest because we love them and don't want them to be disappointed.  Here are a few ideas if you simply don't have the money to give them the celebration you want to.

• Ask them for a list with a certain dollar cap.  For instance nothing over $25.  This helps them set expectations as well as appreciate the value of money.
• Have a holiday where everything given must be handmade.  Crafts, food, clothing, everything.  Smaller children usually like this as they love to make and give gifts, but older ones can get into it too. 
• Get a bunch of smaller, inexpensive gifts and wrap them up so everyone has lots to unwrap. 
• Have a bunch of smaller, inexpensive gifts ready and do a raffle, giving each winner the opportunity to pick from the pile or steal from someone else.  No one gets to unwrap until they're all given out.
• Pass on your children's favorite toys and games to their children.  Don't underestimate the value of this, or the excitement both parents and kids will have in opening a special thing that may have been forgotten.

Really big emergency situations like getting evicted or a court date right around now.  Evictions take a long time so if you just got a notice you really don't have to be out by that date.  While I don't advise ignoring it, I also don't think that most landlords can kick you out without going to court.  Talk to an attorney to be sure... I'm not a legal person by any means.  And of course try and work it out with your landlord to get the pressure off.  Same with court dates.  Even if you get a judgment against you, they usually give you so many days to make good on it or they may set up a payment schedule.  Again, talk to an attorney to find out.  In all these cases, as dire as they seem, things take time and unless you've been ignoring this for months already it's probably not as critical as it seems.

I hope this takes some of the money worries off you this season.  Next subject will be those damn relationships and how to deal with that drama and pain about now.

Heading into the holiday bleh!

Figured it was time to say something about holidays.  Statistically I hear that more people either commit suicide or try to during this time of year, and of those who don't a lot more think about it.

I used to.  I used to a lot and from right after Halloween until well after the New Year I was uber-depressed and well, I wanted to die.

I hated it.  I tried to avoid it.  I moped around.  I collapsed after every obligatory gathering.  And worse... if I found myself having the teeniest bet of fun I'd get really mad and work doubly hard to be miserable!

Not any more.  I can't say I get excited about the holidays, all that glitter and consumer-driven bunk or any of it.  I don't.  I just don't care any more.

I play the holidays may way and I do what I want, even if that means doing nothing at all. It alleviates the pressure and stress and makes me a whole lot happier.

So ok what about you?

If you want to die this holiday then I invite you to try something else instead.  Think about what you want.  And what you don't want.  And then do that.  You can always die next year, right?

Oh, and if you're down because of pressure with money, obligation, people, health and other things then stay tuned... because I'm going to cover that here soon.

Yes, Your Parents Have You Trapped (but you can escape)

If you're a teenager or young adult feeling trapped by your parents, guardians or whoever you live with then I hear ya!

You ARE trapped.  You can't always make decisions, do what you want or live how you want to.  And I get that this can cause extreme stress, frustration, anger and even depression.  I mean who wants to live in a prison when they haven't committed a crime?

Right?

I understand.  I sympathize with you.  And I've been there too.  Not just as a teenager but as an adult dependent on an abusive spouse, who had me trapped in way worse ways than when I was a kid.

Well guess what.  You can escape.  You can live how you want, make your own decisions and do the things you want to do.

How?  But plotting your break to freedom and taking steps to make it happen.

And the first step is to realize that the only person who can fix your situation is YOU.  Others won't help you.  Or if they do you'll just find that you've gone from one prison to another because you'll now be living under their rules instead of the rules you lived under before.

So the solution is to take control of your life and start planning and acting in ways that will get you what you want.

It sucks.  And it can be hard.  But it's also amazingly freeing and once you figure it out it becomes easy and even fun.

So how can you accomplish this?

If you're almost out of school and of age (18) then you can start looking for places to live, either alone or with roommates.  You can list your options and also the pros and cons of each.  Living alone is more expensive but living with others causes a whole set of other problems.  Once you know what you want to do and how much it will cost, you'll know if you can reasonably do it or not in the near future.  And if not then it's time to find income sources to support you.  Because as fun as freedom from parental tyranny is, it also requires that you pay your own way.

If you have a few years to go then it's a good and a bad thing.  Bad because unless you have someone else you can stay with you have to deal with the parental units a bit longer and good because you have longer to save money to get out as soon as you can.  In the mean time start paying attention and figure out what makes the people you live with happy.  You don't have to buy into their line or agree with them.  But you are plotting your own freedom so you may consider playing along at least a little to make your life easier.  This also usually has the side effect of getting them off your back, which is a good thing.

Finally, and this is very important, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself honestly if you are part of the problem.  This may piss you off but that's ok.  Part of the price of freedom is being honest with yourself.  So if you're being an ass then you need to admit it and do your part to get along with the people you live with.  If not (and I know there are truly abusive and terrible situations out there) then you need to look into alternatives.  You can talk to a school counselor or social worker if you need to.  Maybe even ask to go into foster care if your home is truly dangerous.  You may be able to stay with friends or relatives.  It could be that everyone could benefit by taking a break from each other.

The point is that you CAN escape.  It may take a little time and it will take effort on your part, but you can live how you want.

PS Running away or getting into trouble on purpose won't fix your problem.  It may grant you a few days relief but it's not a good idea long term.  Be smart, be calculating and plot your escape.  You cna do it!

It’s ok to be pissed off – you are

I get so sick of people telling me to not be pissed off at the world!

If I'm pissed off, I'm pissed off and the worst thing you can do is tell me that's not ok.

It is ok!

It's fine to be extremely pissed off at the world, a person, a situation or even yourself.

Anger is a completely normal human emotion and if anyone tells you otherwise they're not only lying but doing you a huge disservice.

So be pissed up. Get mad.  Get furious.  Scream and shout at the world.  Beat things up.  Write hate mail.  Rant and rage.  Be ok with being pissed off and also ok with expressing that!

I mean it.

But......

It isn't ok to harm others in the process.  In other words, destroy your stuff, not someone else's.  Beat yourself up, not someone else.  Write hate mail but don't send it.

And use your anger to get things done.  Anger is a great catalyst and when channeled the right way it can kick your butt right out of your mood and cause you to rampage through the world, shoving everyone and everything out of your way as you stomp through and get a shitload of stuff done.

In fact the reason anger often turns to rage is that people get frustrated because they feel like they have no outlet for it.  Turn that into action.  Massive, passionate, huge, life changing action.

Become a one man riot and everyone will get out of your way, leaving you to you'll get stuff done.  Then see how you feel.  A lot better I bet!

Those flippin hormones

I swear hormones have caused so many problems for so many people, including being a major cause in them ending their lives!

Hormones are part of the biology of who we are and as such we have to deal with them.  It's a human thing.

But....

OMG can they get out of whack!

At any age, not just puberty (which is what a lot of people will tell you).  From the minute you're born hormones are at work, balancing (and unbalancing) your physical body.

They're not just internal either.  They're affected by what you eat and drink, how much sleep you get, internal and external stress, the air you breath, toxins and chemicals you're exposed to, other people, and a whole lot of other things.

They can make you blissfully happy or crush you with extreme torture and pain.

And they can make you feel suicidal, when otherwise you may not.

If you want to die it's very important to look at hormonal causes, and fix those first.

I can't tell you how to do that because it's different for everyone but here are some things to look at:

• What are you eating?  Change something and see if you feel better or worse.  Over time you can figure out what foods trigger you and adjust your diet accordingly.

• Are you getting enough (or too much) sleep?  Or are you sleeping at the right or wrong times.  Try different amounts of sleep and schedules to see if it makes a difference.

• Are you drinking or taking drugs?  Change it up or stop all together to see if if changes your mood.

• Same with smoking.  Regular cigarettes can do all sorts of things to your physical body, including mess with your hormones.

• Figure out what's causing you stress and try different ways of dealing with it, or see if you can remove yourself from the situation.  More on this later and it can change your life.

•  Research supplements that may help.  Talk to a doctor of course but go for natural options if possible (food is medicine too... see above).

Can you think of more?  Add them in the comments.

The important thing is to realize many things can affect your hormones which can totally mess with your life.

Distraction Can Keep You Alive

When you want to die it's easy to spend all your time thinking about it, feeling it, and imagining doing it.

As I've said before, what you focus on grows so the more you do this the more you're going to want to die.  Maybe to the point you actually do it.

In order to buy yourself some time and also take a break to see what else might be going on in the world, try some distraction.

Not just any old distraction but distraction specifically meant to occupy your mind and body for a little while.

I used to do it in the way of giving myself an assignment, like watching every single episode of a series in order, going through every Popeye's Chicken drive-thru in a 50 mile radius (yeah weird, I know), solving every crossword in a book and so on.

The reason you assign something rather than just looking for a random distraction is that it forces you to focus on something other than dying.  As you go through the assignment, you may also find that there's a feeling of accomplishment in getting things done, which may cause you to decide to get other things done.  It may also cause you to tell your friends you're too busy for them because you have to get chicken legs all over town.  Ha!  Just think of their faces when you hit them with that :)

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Another type of distraction that works is anything that makes you laugh.  For me this includes watching funny videos and YouTubes, reading and sharing jokes, and hanging out with people I think are funny.  When you laugh it releases different chemicals in your brain, which temporarily sets aside the "I want to die" feelings.

The trick here is you have to genuinely be amused.  No fake smiles while you're internally suffering or rolling your eyes.  Try different things until you find what works for you.

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A final thought on this.  Don't distract yourself with work or obligations.  All you'll do is get grumpy because you don't want to do them.  Do something fun, or if nothing seems fun then something you think might be fun.  And keep doing until you find something that actually IS fun!

Life is Fatal

It's true.  None of us get out of here alive.  Someday, somehow our bodies are going to quit working and we're going to leave this planet.

The question is.... what will you do in the mean time?

Yeah I know it kind of sounds dumb.  It did to me when someone first asked me that years ago.  I think I said something like "I hate this place!  All I'm doing is getting through and waiting to die!"

I really felt that way.  But over time I decided that I may as well fill the time with "something" other than just waiting.

And I started doing just that.  First it was little stuff like looking up old TV shows I hadn't seen in a long time and songs I liked but hadn't heard in forever.  Then it was making some of my favorite foods (I used to love to cook but lost interest at some point).  Then I took up knitting again... for a day.  Not interested in that anymore.  Then drawing.  Liked that for a while but then lost interest.  Then surfing the net to learn new things.  That was fun.  Then I started trying what I'd learned.  Then I started going places I'd heard about.  Then this. And that.  And this other thing.

Over time life became interesting and I no longer thought so much about wanting to die NOW.

"Someday" was good enough, and it might be good enough for you too.  And who knows, maybe in the interim you'll be able to have a few adventures.

So remember... life is fatal anyway so you may as well do something while you're waiting to die.