Holiday blues, money and why it doesn't deserve your life

Sometimes during the holiday season you'll hear stories of people jumping off a bridge, doing the pill od or exiting the planet in some other, self-inflicted way.  Later you'll find out that the person had major financial issues and the stress finally got to them.

They don't have to be billionaires either.  Sometimes it's extreme poverty that pushes a person over the edge, and sometimes it's middle class people who, from the outside looking in, don't seem to have anything to complain about.

The economic scale doesn't matter.  What matters is that money got to be bigger than life, and the person couldn't handle it's negative influence anymore.

I've got news for you.  Money doesn't deserve your life!

It doesn't.  It's not worth it.  It's not worth anything other than the value we give it and unfortunately, in today's world we often give it way too much value.

Weather you believe it or not I am here to tell you that YOU are worth more than money.  And if anyone bugs you about it over the next few weeks I'd tell them exactly that.

Bill collectors?  Say "I am worth more than this bill and I'm not talking to you about it or doing anything about it until January.  Period.  Call me then."

Business pressures.  Same thing.  Refuse to deal with it until January.  Don't take calls if you can get away with that.  Take your mind entirely off the subject, even if just for a week or two.

Gift obligations you don't want.  Say "The pressure of having to give something has ruined the entire season for me so I'm not doing it this year.  I'm not giving anything so please don't be hurt or expect it."

Feeling guilty because you got something but didn't give (after you told them the above).  Sincerely say "Thank you so much for this lovely gift, I really appreciate it."  No need for any more explanation.  You already told them you weren't giving yourself.

Feeling guilty because you got something but didn't give (if you didn't tell them the above). Sincerely say "Thank you so much for this lovely gift, I really appreciate it."  If you really feel awkward about not having something to give in return simply add that you decided to forgo giving gifts this year but again you really appreciate their thoughtfulness and are so happy they understand.  Even if they don't, they probably won't say anything.  

What to say to your kids and grandkids.  Kids are the hardest because we love them and don't want them to be disappointed.  Here are a few ideas if you simply don't have the money to give them the celebration you want to.

• Ask them for a list with a certain dollar cap.  For instance nothing over $25.  This helps them set expectations as well as appreciate the value of money.
• Have a holiday where everything given must be handmade.  Crafts, food, clothing, everything.  Smaller children usually like this as they love to make and give gifts, but older ones can get into it too. 
• Get a bunch of smaller, inexpensive gifts and wrap them up so everyone has lots to unwrap. 
• Have a bunch of smaller, inexpensive gifts ready and do a raffle, giving each winner the opportunity to pick from the pile or steal from someone else.  No one gets to unwrap until they're all given out.
• Pass on your children's favorite toys and games to their children.  Don't underestimate the value of this, or the excitement both parents and kids will have in opening a special thing that may have been forgotten.

Really big emergency situations like getting evicted or a court date right around now.  Evictions take a long time so if you just got a notice you really don't have to be out by that date.  While I don't advise ignoring it, I also don't think that most landlords can kick you out without going to court.  Talk to an attorney to be sure... I'm not a legal person by any means.  And of course try and work it out with your landlord to get the pressure off.  Same with court dates.  Even if you get a judgment against you, they usually give you so many days to make good on it or they may set up a payment schedule.  Again, talk to an attorney to find out.  In all these cases, as dire as they seem, things take time and unless you've been ignoring this for months already it's probably not as critical as it seems.

I hope this takes some of the money worries off you this season.  Next subject will be those damn relationships and how to deal with that drama and pain about now.

Heading into the holiday bleh!

Figured it was time to say something about holidays.  Statistically I hear that more people either commit suicide or try to during this time of year, and of those who don't a lot more think about it.

I used to.  I used to a lot and from right after Halloween until well after the New Year I was uber-depressed and well, I wanted to die.

I hated it.  I tried to avoid it.  I moped around.  I collapsed after every obligatory gathering.  And worse... if I found myself having the teeniest bet of fun I'd get really mad and work doubly hard to be miserable!

Not any more.  I can't say I get excited about the holidays, all that glitter and consumer-driven bunk or any of it.  I don't.  I just don't care any more.

I play the holidays may way and I do what I want, even if that means doing nothing at all. It alleviates the pressure and stress and makes me a whole lot happier.

So ok what about you?

If you want to die this holiday then I invite you to try something else instead.  Think about what you want.  And what you don't want.  And then do that.  You can always die next year, right?

Oh, and if you're down because of pressure with money, obligation, people, health and other things then stay tuned... because I'm going to cover that here soon.

Yes, Your Parents Have You Trapped (but you can escape)

If you're a teenager or young adult feeling trapped by your parents, guardians or whoever you live with then I hear ya!

You ARE trapped.  You can't always make decisions, do what you want or live how you want to.  And I get that this can cause extreme stress, frustration, anger and even depression.  I mean who wants to live in a prison when they haven't committed a crime?

Right?

I understand.  I sympathize with you.  And I've been there too.  Not just as a teenager but as an adult dependent on an abusive spouse, who had me trapped in way worse ways than when I was a kid.

Well guess what.  You can escape.  You can live how you want, make your own decisions and do the things you want to do.

How?  But plotting your break to freedom and taking steps to make it happen.

And the first step is to realize that the only person who can fix your situation is YOU.  Others won't help you.  Or if they do you'll just find that you've gone from one prison to another because you'll now be living under their rules instead of the rules you lived under before.

So the solution is to take control of your life and start planning and acting in ways that will get you what you want.

It sucks.  And it can be hard.  But it's also amazingly freeing and once you figure it out it becomes easy and even fun.

So how can you accomplish this?

If you're almost out of school and of age (18) then you can start looking for places to live, either alone or with roommates.  You can list your options and also the pros and cons of each.  Living alone is more expensive but living with others causes a whole set of other problems.  Once you know what you want to do and how much it will cost, you'll know if you can reasonably do it or not in the near future.  And if not then it's time to find income sources to support you.  Because as fun as freedom from parental tyranny is, it also requires that you pay your own way.

If you have a few years to go then it's a good and a bad thing.  Bad because unless you have someone else you can stay with you have to deal with the parental units a bit longer and good because you have longer to save money to get out as soon as you can.  In the mean time start paying attention and figure out what makes the people you live with happy.  You don't have to buy into their line or agree with them.  But you are plotting your own freedom so you may consider playing along at least a little to make your life easier.  This also usually has the side effect of getting them off your back, which is a good thing.

Finally, and this is very important, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself honestly if you are part of the problem.  This may piss you off but that's ok.  Part of the price of freedom is being honest with yourself.  So if you're being an ass then you need to admit it and do your part to get along with the people you live with.  If not (and I know there are truly abusive and terrible situations out there) then you need to look into alternatives.  You can talk to a school counselor or social worker if you need to.  Maybe even ask to go into foster care if your home is truly dangerous.  You may be able to stay with friends or relatives.  It could be that everyone could benefit by taking a break from each other.

The point is that you CAN escape.  It may take a little time and it will take effort on your part, but you can live how you want.

PS Running away or getting into trouble on purpose won't fix your problem.  It may grant you a few days relief but it's not a good idea long term.  Be smart, be calculating and plot your escape.  You cna do it!