We are always alone

We are always ALONE.

We are born alone.  We die alone.  And ultimately, no matter how many people are around us, we spend our entire lives alone.

Depressing huh?

But also freeing!

Ultimately we have no one to answer to but ourselves.  We have no one to please but ourselves.  We have no one to look up to but ourselves.  And we are responsible to no one but ourselves.

A lot of depression and wanting to kill ourselves stems from feeling like everyone wants something from us, like we can't compete, fit in or live up to expectations, and like this world is too confusing and hard to figure out.

So forget it all. 

Let them want something from you – you don't have to give it unless you want to.

Let them compete with one another – you don't have to participate in the games.

Forget about fitting in with them – do your own thing.

The only expectations you have to live up to are your own.

Yes the world is confusing and yes it's hard to figure out. So what?  You don't have to conquer it, just find your little corner.  Trust me once you have it becomes crystal clear and easy to navigate.

Once you realize you are truly ALONE and become OK with that your entire life changes for the better.  You stop caring what people think, stop expecting them to accept you, stop wanting them to conform to your way of being (yes you want this just like they want you to conform to them), and you stop wanting to die.  Why?  Because life is now played by your rules and done your way.

Once you realize this you will also take care of yourself.  You'll stop expecting anyone to pay your bills, feed you, clothe you or otherwise take care of yourself.  You'll become independent and start participating in the world YOUR way because this is how you live on your terms.  See when others pay your way then you become indebted to them and you have to listen to their BS.  When you pay your way then you take BS from no one.   Yes you may take BS from bosses, etc. but it's different....

If you're stuck in the opposite position (you take care of everyone else) then you'll stop doing that too.  You'll start saying NO, which feels really great, and kick people out who are sucking you dry.  You'll become very picky about who you associate with and what obligations you take on and what you put up with. 

Some people may call you a bitch or prick but so be it. You are taking care of YOU.  Finally. 

You are born alone.  You die alone.  In between it is you ALONE who gets to decide how to live.

Are We Really Human?

Are we really human?

I've spent many years thinking about life, this planet, why the hell we are here and what we're supposed to be doing.

I've come to the conclusion that we're not really human after all and that perhaps this world isn't even real.

You don't have to believe me but consider what I have to say then decide for yourself.

• There are times I feel like I'm part human but partly not really connected to or even really on this planet.  I look around and feel like I'm in a foreign place that doesn't make sense and isn't really me.  That's the first clue that maybe things aren't what they appear.  I used to think I was crazy, but now I think those moments are actually glimpses of reality.  Next time it happens to you, instead of writing it off as crazy, stop and take a moment to consider that maybe, just maybe you're seeing reality for a minute.  If this is true and the world isn't really real, it changes everything.  See?
• My dreams are sometimes more real than my waking state.  Do you have that experience too?  Weather they're pleasant dreams or nightmares, my dreams often are so real that I'm disappointed when I wake up.  This is further evidence to me that the world I see in my waking state maybe isn't the real one.  What about your dreams?  Can you see it for yourself too?
• There is scientific evidence that the Universe may be a hologram.  Here are a couple links:
  http://www.nature.com/news/simulations-back-up-theory-that-universe-is-a-hologram-1.14328
  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/11/universe-hologram-physicists_n_4428359.html
  In my opinion it's still too early to say one way or another for sure but if it is then it's also possible we can manipulate it.  If we can then we can actually change our lives to be what we want, rather than what we think is thrown on us.
• I know things.  You might say I'm psychic but you might also say that the non-human part of me is connected to a communication conduit far beyond anything we understand as humans with limited abilities.  One of the reasons I chose to stay on this planet was to explore that possibility and learn to develop and use these abilities to manipulate life (instead of life manipulating me).  This alone has been worth the stay.  I'd recommend you give it a go yourself.
• Movies opened my mind to many possibilities.  The Matrix was one of the first movies to really show the world we know as "not what it seems."  The Truman Show was another.  Wow what if the hell you're living in is a great big, made up Seahaven, and nothing is real at all.  Would you want to get out?  Or would you get super pissed and get revenge on those who did this to you?  I'd get pissed and maybe eventually I'd get out, but not until I taught a few people a few things.
• Video games have also opened my mind, especially MMORPG games.  What if we're nothing more than characters in games like this and our world is a simulation?  And what if we live and die, then respawn to do it again (reincarnation?).  Could be possible.  And ultimately, what if the technology is so advanced that we've become sentient and can tune in to the game creators and players controlling our character, and eventually influence how the game is played.  Think about that for a while.  Kind of makes you want to get a few more levels before you check out.

I hate those who want to "help"

I hate those well meaning people who want to "help" (why I never talked about wanting to die).

Ok I'll admit when I really wanted to die most I didn't talk about it much.  In fact most people who know me have NEVER known I ever wanted to die. 

Let's face it.... you tell someone and they want to help.  All of a sudden you're flooded with advice from well meaning but misguided people.  You're also bombarded with a lot of negativity and judgment, as well as people outright forbidding you to take your life.

Stupidly, when people actually do take that step those around them wonder why they never reached out for help.  Duh!  Maybe because the "help" offered is no help at all!

I have to tell you something here:  They can't help you.  They don't understand unless they've been their themselves.  Even then they don't fully understand because no one can live inside someone else.

Only YOU know your reasons, how you feel and what you want.

Therefore, only YOU can decide if you're staying or going.

My only request is that you do your research and make a truly informed decision BEFORE taking action, and that you don't do it on the spur of the moment or while under the influence of something like drugs, alcohol, music, sickness or even hormonal imbalances (which are a bitch for both guys and gals). 

Why?  Because it's unfair to you.  Outside influences make you think and feel things that aren't really you and you have to get away from them in order to make a real and true choice.  Make sense?

Too Mad to Die

Anger is a powerful emotion!

 

People say that people who want to kill themselves are angry, but that hasn't been my experience.  Yes, we're angry but it's because we can't see any way out of this hell on earth.  We're mad at the world because it sucks, and mad at ourselves for not being able to handle it. 

 

Even more than that, we feel hopeless and stuck, and it seems like dying is the only way out.

 

Sometimes though, turning that anger outward is another way out. 

• Yes the world sucks and it's ok to be pissed off about that. 
• Yes, people are cruel and that too deserves our anger.
• No, life isn't fair and what really isn't fair is that people tell us the lie that it should be fair!  I am definitely angry about that!
• No our bodies don't always cooperate with us.  We may be too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, ugly, sick, deformed or a whole host of other things.  What's really angering about that is how we're fed the lies about how we "should" look or feel. That makes me red-faced angry!
• No we may not fit in.  Fuck them!  It's ok to be really angry that people expect us to be what we're not just to please them!

When you look outside yourself and start seeing how shitty the world can be then you'll realize that yeah, you're pissed off and YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE!

 

It's that anger, directed outward that can propel you away from wanting to kill yourself and toward wanting to do something about the world around you. 

 

• Yes the world sucks but you don't have to let it kick you around. 
• Yes, people are cruel but you don't have to put up with their bad behavior.
• No, life isn't fair and once you realize that you can learn to play differently, getting more of what you want instead of being at the mercy of the world.
• No our bodies don't always cooperate with us but we can use the parts that do to our advantage, and work on the parts that don't.  Do you know I spent most of my life thinking I was ugly?  Now I look back and realize how pretty I was. Never again will I listen to what anyone says about me. Ever!
• No we may not fit in buy why would you want to?  I don't.  If I fit in I'd be a corporate drone in a bland, cookie cutter neighborhood numbing my brain on TV and video games and believing the media like a zombie.  Yuck!  I'm glad I don't fit in and I never will.

So you see... anger has a purpose.  Part of me not killing myself was being too damn angry to die!  Does this resonate with you?