I was very involved in my Christian church and religion, teaching Sunday school, attending multiple Bible studies and church groups, taking theology classes, volunteering a LOT of time, tithing, and so on. I knew the Bible better than the church leaders did, and often found myself in disagreement with their teachings.
When I wanted to die, as part of the help I looked for I turned to the church and was told to "pray for deliverance from my sins." I was made to feel guilty, inadequate and very less than human. It didn't help one little bit, and it wasn't until I threw all religion out the window that I began to see a light in the tunnel of my very long depression.
I'm not saying religion caused it. It didn't. But it definitely added to the problem and did nothing to help my situation.
As my life changed for the better, I began to notice that a lot of people who want to die (whether by their own hand or not) are ensnared in their religions like I was. I also noticed that if they made the escape from this prison, their lives began to get measurably better.
This is something to consider if you are feeling like death is the best option to you and you're very into your religion. Take a step back and ask yourself these questions...
- Are you afraid to talk about your suicide or death thoughts with your church leaders or members of your church?
- Do you feel judged or belittled by them?
- Do you believe that you'll go to hell if you take your own life?
- Do you believe that you'll go to hell anyway, because you're a terrible person?
- Do you feel weak and unworthy, like nothing you do is good enough?
- Do you pray incessantly and feel like no one is listening?
- Do you beg for forgiveness and only get more and more miserable?
We are NOT born guilty and there is no such thing as original sin! In what universe does this even make sense, and yet churches have been shoving it down people's throats for centuries. How can anyone be guilty just by virtue of being born? Really? If you never change one other believe, then wiping this fallacy out of your mind will still have an immediate and positive impact on your life. YOU are just fine the way you are. Even if right now you're miserable, it doesn't take away from your value as a human being.
Religion has a vested interest in keeping us in a state of guilt and shame. If you wanted to control people what would be a great way to do it? Hold the keys to heaven and hell. Over the centuries religion has done just that. If you're born a sinner than what can you do but spend your entire life groveling at the feet at those who hold the key to your salvation - the church leaders. With this power they can control you as well as take your money, time and labor. See?
Right and wrong are not written in stone. Not even on certain tablets with 10 rules to live by. Right and wrong are very much products of different cultures, situations and periods of time. What I learned is that eventually we all have to develop our own personal code of ethics and decide for ourselves what is right and wrong for us. This is living in integrity and being true to who you are.
The Bible is a terrible book and the God of the Bible is a vindictive, evil being. Yes I know these are very strong words and you are free to disagree with me. But before you do I suggest you read the Bible with an objective mind. What would you think of the God of the Old Testament if you read some of the stories not knowing they were part of the Bible? When I read them in that light, I realized that the God of the Old Testament is very busy smiting, raping, murdering, and destroying many people. If that God were a person he'd be guilty of so many crimes he'd have to live forever just to serve all the sentences! The New Testament isn't much better, with Jesus giving what I consider to be very bad advice.
I could go on but I don't want to argue with anyone. These are simply my experiences and kicking religion out of my life was instrumental in me leaving my desire to die behind.
By the way if you're Christian and questioning things here are some resources to check out. I came to my own conclusions way before these were available but they're full of very good information:
The Skeptics Annotated Bible dissects the bible and points out a lot of contradictions and nonsensical information. It's a real eye opener.
A really cool chart showing contradictions in the Bible. How can you believe in a book that is so full of conflicting information:
This website does a great job of going into great detail about why many of the stories in the Bible, including the Jesus stories, aren't even true. Jesus Never Existed.
PS I'm not atheist. More on that later :)
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